Reflection

I was in such thick darkness that I couldn't see where I was going and my mind was so distorted by selfishness, pride, lust and lies, there were times when I couldn't even recognize who I was, but I couldn't wake up, it was like a fantasy, but in reality it felt more like a nightmare. And I kept saying to myself. How could I get so far and so low? How could I lose my way and not even realize that?

So much frustration and shame, so much pain and guilt, I looked back and so many wasted years where I spent my time only being selfish and vain.

So I felt in my heart some emptiness and a pain in my soul. I remembered when I first had my encounter with God, when I first felt truly loved and my heart was filled with hope, when I was not feeling lost or lonely, but I felt that my life mattered and I had so much to do and to give. When I first met Jesus truly for who He is , and I first realized what He has done for me, and then I realized He was just calling back.

Lord I need you. I've walked paths far from you for so long. I know how wrong I was. I did things I promised myself I would never do, I felt so ashamed, I was so blind I couldn't see myself. I made mistakes with my actions, with my mind and my words, I felt so unclean and worthless. Father, although I never stopped loving you. I thought I had gone too far, I felt so ashamed of having done the things I did and having moved away from you out of pride and selfishness. Yes Father, I know how proud and selfish I was, I repent and regret it so much. Father, I know that the Lord did not abandon me even when I turned my back to you, the Lord did not reject me even for having been so wrong, but in my loneliness, the Lord was there with me, the Lord sought me when my heart felt empty and I missed you, at the right time the Lord opened my eyes and made me see how far I had been, but the Lord didn't judge me, you only forgave me when I threw myself into your arms and asked for forgiveness, when at your feet I fell and asked for mercy, because I saw my impurity and my sin, and I repented of my wrong ways, they were so many and so far, but the Lord received me back and forgave me.

I love you, Lord, my Savior and God, my King and Redeemer, my Jesus Christ, my friend and love.

Thank you for being here and rescue me,

Help me to live in your ways, help me to change the things I cannot change.

Lord, now I know that Your ways are always better and higher than mine, so I submit my ways and my plans to you, help me Jesus to learn to trust only in you and not on my own understanding, because now I know that often our heart is corrupted by the things of this world, but You Lord sees all and knows all, so I can trust because you love, you saved and rescued me, you opened my eyes and showed me the truth.

Thank you, Jesus! Thank you. Lord!